Dear crazy bitch who took my engagement ring

Dear crazy bitch who took my engagement ring:

 

Thanks for taking that piece of crazy off the market!

Love, Autumn

Dear ex:

When she’s walking down the aisle, try not to think about when you saw her cheating on you with another girl. In your bed. It’s not a threesome if you’re not invited–but keep in mind the threesome will probably be invited to your wedding. Specify you don’t want her on your honeymoon, too. Oh, and, thanks for taking that piece of crazy off the market!

No Love, Me

Dear Red Robin,

Thanks for hosting the worst engagement of all time. Was that the first time someone has sunk low enough to get engaged while eating a burger?

Autumn

Dear Sigma Chi:

For the first time, I can say I truly will miss you tonight. You were there for me when this ordeal ended, and you would be there for me now. I’ll miss your sweaty frat boy hugs, the overwhelming stench of sticky, spilled liquor, and the never ending party you would have thrown for me.

Love, Autumn

Dear Sigma Chi pledges:

I hope you learned to stop listening at closed doors. Though my conversations are pretty hilarious, I’ll give you that. Don’t worry, one day you’ll have enough drama to have closed doors too. That’s what happens when you go to a school of 1,000 people for four years. I hope you’re still making right-angle turns in the library and wearing the worst combination of bow ties and plaid shirts.

Love, Autumn

 

Dear Nashville:

Thanks for providing the perfect song to play while writing this post. Love, Me

 

Dear Daddy:

Thanks for putting it all in perspective by simply responding with “Someone sure was watching over you!”

 

Love, your daughter

 

 

 

 

Dear readers:

Don’t forget that I also have a Blogspot account, so if you like using Blogger Dashboard or Google Reader, you can follow me at http://www.theunreal-life.blogspot.com.

Love, Me

 

 

Domestically Dentally Disabled

I had to go to the dentist yesterday. And I cried like a small child. So much so, that they brought a second hygenist in just to whisper words of encouragement. She told me that “going to the dentist is hard, but I was doing a really good job.” Which of course just made me cry harder. Yes, ladies and gentleman, that’s right. I have a phobia of the dentist. To give you a picture of just how legitimate this was, they offered to help me find a dentist who practices full sedation so I could be knocked out while they work on my teeth.

 

Fortunately for me, dental disability is not my only fine, fine characteristic. I am also domestically disabled. If you don’t believe me, check out these texts I found from my weekend adventure trying to cook Whiskey Walnut Blondies for the Super Bowl:

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IMG_3246

 

Super Bowl Sunday Funday

happy super bowl everyone!!! Let us both celebrate the chance to eat, drink, mingle and watch football as well as mourn the fact that this is the last day of football season.

 

In my Super Bowl spirit, I have made the following today: pot roast, Walnut Whiskey Blondies and Chili Cheese Dip. I am going to stuff my face. And cheer as loud as I can at the same time.

Whiskey Walnut blondies...coming right up!

Whiskey Walnut blondies…coming right up!

 

So let’s GET EXCIIIIITEEEEEEEEEED.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I. Love. Football. In case you hadn’t noticed.

And of course even if you don’t like football, if you’re American you must love Super Bowl Sunday commercials. Here’s a recap of my favorite Super Bowl commercial ever.

“It’s the hottest fires that make a heart of steel…THAT’S WHO WE ARE. THAT’S OUR STORY.” Best advertising campaign ever. A commercial that didn’t just sell you something, but revitalized and energized an entire city and state. We are Detroit. We are Michigan.

And one day…we’ll be in the Super Bowl and Eminem will be our halftime show. Just kidding.

 

Have a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday!!!