Closing Ceremonies, or, Why Britian Fell out of Favor

If the Opening Ceremonies were designed to showcase everything Britain had brought to the world, the Closing Ceremonies were certainly designed to remind us why no one gives a shit about them anymore. 


I know it’s been floating around the Internet, but in case you haven’t seen it, I highly suggest you check out this website which has neatly showcased the 25 worst moments of the Closing Ceremonies. 



And yes, I realize the Olympics ended a week ago. I’m in denial, get over it. 


Laters, baby. 




The Olympihunger Games

Alright, let’s face it–Suzanne Collins ruined the Olympics for all of us. Don’t pretend you weren’t watching till midnight every night waiting for the pool to turn on the athletes or the track to suddenly turn into a clock and all the athletes start battling each other to survive. It’s all I could think of. Even Robert Downey Jr.  backed me up on this one:

See what I mean? This is what I think the Olympihunger Games would look like:


1. The Careers = China

This one is obvious. Like the Careers, Chinese athletes openly admitted in Olympic interviews this year that most of them have spent only a total of ELEVEN DAYS AT HOME since they were born. They were picked, at birth, to be athletes. That is WEIRD.

I definitely see the similarity.


2. Gale Hawthorne

This one goes out to all the 2008 Beijing Olympic Medalists who failed to even make it into the finals of the 2012 London Games. You were once all hot stuff, but then, like Gale, you were completely and shamelessly forgotten. And we don’t feel bad about it either.

(Yeah, Mathew Mitcham, we’re looking at you. 2008 Diving Gold Medalist…couldn’t even make the finals in 2012)


3. Foxface

The tricky one. She’s sly, and the other competitors don’t really see her a lot. Now this one is a tie between McKayla Maroney of the USA and A. Mustafina of Russia. Both of them are tricky, tricky, tricky–and look like they want to kill you.


4. Thresh

The “harsh competitor with a heart of gold.” He spares Katniss’ life after she helps Rue. For him, I vote Kirani James, the runner with a heart of gold from Grenada. He reminded me of Thresh because while also being a fierce competitor who gives his all, this doesn’t stop him from reaching out and helping his fellow athletes once in a while–like when he swapped name badges with Oscar Petorius. Pretty cool.


5. Peeta

Drum roll, pleeeease. Once again, a tie. Tom Daley from the UK or SAM MIKULAK FROM USA USA USA–ok, I’ll stop. Sorry, I just really really miss the Olympics. These two resemble Peeta because they’re both always injured and always playing just a little under their A game, and yet you can’t help but love them. They are adorable, and everyone loves to cheer for them. Like Peeta, Tom has a tragic back story that makes him even more endearing. Oy ve. The choices.


6. Katniss

Well I mean, obviously…Team ‘Murica. Any of our female swimmers look like they would kick your ass if you tried to take their America color-themed nail polish away from them (seriously, who thinks of painting their nails at a time like that?). But, ultimately, if I had to pick one American to represent Katniss…it’d be Misty May Treanor. That girl be ballin’…literally. She has got to be one of the toughest women I have ever seen. And, like Katniss winning repeat Hunger Games, she’s the three-time repeat Gold Medal winner. So if anyone could dominate like Katniss…it’s Misty May.


Well kids, thanks for joining for yet another blog. Who else do you think would make great Olymihungarians? We still need a Haymitch (Danell Levya’s dad, anyone?) and Effie. Laters, baby.