Dear crazy bitch who took my engagement ring

Dear crazy bitch who took my engagement ring:


Thanks for taking that piece of crazy off the market!

Love, Autumn

Dear ex:

When she’s walking down the aisle, try not to think about when you saw her cheating on you with another girl. In your bed. It’s not a threesome if you’re not invited–but keep in mind the threesome will probably be invited to your wedding. Specify you don’t want her on your honeymoon, too. Oh, and, thanks for taking that piece of crazy off the market!

No Love, Me

Dear Red Robin,

Thanks for hosting the worst engagement of all time. Was that the first time someone has sunk low enough to get engaged while eating a burger?


Dear Sigma Chi:

For the first time, I can say I truly will miss you tonight. You were there for me when this ordeal ended, and you would be there for me now. I’ll miss your sweaty frat boy hugs, the overwhelming stench of sticky, spilled liquor, and the never ending party you would have thrown for me.

Love, Autumn

Dear Sigma Chi pledges:

I hope you learned to stop listening at closed doors. Though my conversations are pretty hilarious, I’ll give you that. Don’t worry, one day you’ll have enough drama to have closed doors too. That’s what happens when you go to a school of 1,000 people for four years. I hope you’re still making right-angle turns in the library and wearing the worst combination of bow ties and plaid shirts.

Love, Autumn


Dear Nashville:

Thanks for providing the perfect song to play while writing this post. Love, Me


Dear Daddy:

Thanks for putting it all in perspective by simply responding with “Someone sure was watching over you!”


Love, your daughter





Dear readers:

Don’t forget that I also have a Blogspot account, so if you like using Blogger Dashboard or Google Reader, you can follow me at

Love, Me




Bachelor Wk 4: Recap

When Sean thinks watching girls play roller derby will help him find a wife

Bachelor Week 3: How did we get here?

So now that I’ve done my link-ups for the day, let’s talk about something that we all care about and that would all make us bond 20% faster than a blog link up (kidding but not)… The Bachelor. Week 3.

Here are my notes/questions/comments/concerns/WTF moments:

Let me get this straight. Sean is vocal about being a “born-again virgin”…but he’s ok with allowing millions of women to fantasize about him by making sure each episode opens with a montage of his shirtless muscles followed by a steamy shower? Really? Really?

Born-again virgin? Mmm…doubtful.


This show ONLY works because everyone is CONSTANTLY DRUNK. If I took a shot every time there was a screen shot where someone WASN’T holding a drink, I would never take a shot, basically. Also, they’re always by a BEACH. Give me a constant supply of alcohol, a sexy man, and the beauty of a beach and of course I can fall in love in 9 weeks. Durrr.


Why do these girls get all freaked out about group dates? Ladies, you have watched this show before. You KNOW group dates are part of the gig. Why are you surprised you’re going on one? Why add extra stress to your life by bitching about something you can’t change? Group dates have been here, are here, and will continue to be here all season long. Get over it.

Also…”this volleyball game is THE most important moment of my life?” Really? I’m going to play that clip back to you on your wedding day (which FYI, most likely will not come from this show), or when your first child is born, or when you get that next job promotion. And…how does watching 20 women play volleyball help Shawn pick his wife???


Is it just me, or are the girls this episode INSANE? It’s week three and they’re already talking about how in love they are? And crying because they don’t get to spend more time with him? You’ve had how much interaction with him at this point…30 minutes…tops? You are not IN LOVE with him, he is not “EVERYTHING I’VE EVER DREAMED OF IN A HUSBAND.” How could you POSSIBLY tell if he is everything you ever dreamed of in a husband after 30 minutes?


How much must it suck to have gone through years of schooling, only to be the producer who has to drive across the country and get a stupid dog for 45 seconds of camera time?

Also, remember, having one arm doesn’t prevent her from falling in love…though it is 90% of what she talks about.


Here’s how I feel about Sean’s comment to Kacie B: “why are you even getting involved in these things?” I’m sorry Sean, but she LIVES with these crazy women 24/7. What would you like her to do? Sit in her bedroom, door locked, and solely think about you, your abs, and your potential relationship? Realistically, she’s going to get involved in drama because realistically, she’s not just there to sit and think about you every second of every day. Over it.


Departure scenes: Please, women, stop crying hysterically. knew him for THREE WEEKS. The worst was when that woman starts bawling and takes Sean’s rejection as a personal commentary on her readiness for marriage. “I guess marriage just isn’t in the cards. I thought I was open to love, but maybe I need to reassess.” Babe, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You couldn’t find love in front of 26 other fighting women and 90 camera crewmen? You’re fine. Don’t take it personal.


And finally…my biggest gripe with the last episode…AshLee. Dont’ get me wrong–love ‘er. Great gal. But it made my mouth drop open, eyes bulge, face burn when she told Sean her adoption story and then during her little off-camera monologue talks about how wonderful it felt that he “didn’t respond negatively and didn’t condemn her.” What? How can anyone respond negatively to you sharing that story? Or being adopted? What the hell.

P.S. Do you think any season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette has ever been subjected to a mid-season lip herpes break out? He just kissed like..20 girls in one week. That is some serious germ-spreading.